So let’s talk boundaries! Ask yourself these questions:
- What boundaries are holding me back?
- Are they self-imposed or culturally-imposed?
- Does anybody really care what I do?.
- What if I walked over the boundaries?
Boundaries can be a good thing, particularly with speed limits, murder laws, and required immunizations. It’s best not to drive too fast, kill anyone, or forget to immunize your child.
On the other hand, what about wearing white after Labor Day? Or pulling your 13-year-old out of school for a week to go hiking in the Grand Canyon?
It’s time to walk over unnecessary boundaries! Bust through them so that you can get on with your life. Let’s break it down.
- Examine the belief embedded in the boundary. Who invented this boundary and what is their belief? A handful of our forefathers created a constitutional boundary (i.e. document) incorporating a belief in the separation of church and state. That’s cool. They also didn’t believe everyone had the right to vote. Not so cool. You might only allow your child to take the car if they are back by 11 pm, based on the belief that too much mischief happens late at night. That’s probably good. But you might deny yourself a fun weekend get-away, based on the belief that your family cannot manage without you. That’s probably bad.
- Ask yourself whether the boundary has changed over time. Did your parents go to all of your junior high basketball games or tennis matches? What’s your expectation with your own kids? Is there an engaging activity you’d like to try if you didn’t feel obligated to adhere to culturally-prescribed roles as a parent?
- Consider to what extent the important people in your life observe the same boundary. Some protestants in specific midwest towns won’t mow their lawn on Sunday for religious reasons. Such practices only fall by the wayside if groups no longer value them. How would others view you if you change your behavior around common, unquestioned practices? Will the important people in your life embrace your decision? Can you gain their support if you value it?
Here’s what I say: Ask the guy/gal out. Set an unrealistic goal. Sell the house, quit the job, and go get your Ph.D. Laugh too loud. Drive all night. Hitchhike to Alaska. Life is more fun when you ignore arbitrary boundaries and disregard limiting beliefs!
